Work, work, work!

Ok this is my second day back at work, and though its good to see the people I work with....work sucks! I mean at least I have a job right? Ok so I shouldn't complain too much, but can i just have a part time job, stay home with my kiddos and get paid lots of money instead? ohhh that would be nice. By the way....I'm about to pass out on my desk right now. I'm tired, and I have this heater running, and ohhh man a blanket and pillow would be nice right now. To top it all off, I have like 5 things to wear to semi cover this baby weight, my pants are a little snug....ok more than a little....and if ponchos were in style I'd be good to go with this whole coverage thing, but they aren't so I get to be "fat girl." ugh....I miss my babies so much, and it's nice to come home and get to snuggle with all of them. I think I overload them with kisses. Well I should be working...HA...later!

Borrowed from Miss Mandi's post...

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?


Hot Chocolate! I haven't tried Egg Nog in a really long time, but all of the times...yes timeS I have tried it I did NOT like it at all. I don't know why, but there is something in there I just don't like! But I'm a big Hot Chocolate girl, even if it's not cold outside sometimes I'll crave it, and I usually end up putting two packets in because one is just not chocolatey enough for me and ya gotta have marshmellows too! Lots of them, and sometimes you need to add more when you ate them too fast....just saying.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
   When I was a kid I think my  parents had Santa presents for a few years and that was it. I don't really remember doing it too much. We just started doing it now, but we also have presents from mommy and daddy. That being said we have the BIG Christmas presents that we "asked" Santa for unwrapped and then the other little ones wrapped up, and mommy and daddy's presents wrapped too. We also bake a cake for Santa, and then Santa a.k.a Daddy eats it.



3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?

White, but this year we got a Christmas tree that is prelit and they are colored lights. I just think the white lights look so much more peaceful and pretty to go along with everything else, and when I say everything else I'm not sure what I mean....the snow...whatever, it just looks nicer ? cleaner? ok?


4. Do you hang mistletoe?

No...and I'm pretty sure if I did my husband would think it was dumb.


5. When do you put your decorations up?

Sometime around Thanksgiving. I usually get in the "spirit" of wanting to decorate for Christmas way before Thanksgiving so it's usually the week of Thanksgiving.



6. What is your favorite holiday dish?

The sweet stuff....but it doesn't really take a holiday dish for me to have the sweet stuff be my favorite. Oohhh but I do remember my moms homemade rolls...ohhh man they're good and you could eat like 6 of them at once and later on that day some more. I like peanut brittle, cherry pie....



7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?

I don't think we really had anything that stands out to me as "wow!! Remember when...".



8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I don't really remember. I'm like Mandi I remember we use to have Santa presents, but it wasn't made into a big thing. Pluse eventually we'd go snooping around and find the presents so I'm pretty sure that's how we really found out about it.



9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?

Usually we could get my parents to let us open up one thing. The pj thing sounds like a good tradition to start. We got Juliana and Bredun the same pjs so I might let them open that and wear it to bed.



10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?

Last year we did white lights, and random ornaments that I had from when I was a kid. This year we have a smaller tree on a coffee table with prelit lights and some red garland, trapped between our love seat and couch so that the little hands we have running around don't pull things off.


11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?

The look of it love the feel of the cold and what it does to the roads....hate it. And just like Mandi says, I hate it when it starts to melt and gets all muddy and gross. ....and I HATE it when you get big ol chunks behind your car tires.



12. Can you ice skate?

Yes, not the best and it really  hurts my ankles after a while, but it's still fun. I haven't done it in forever though!



13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
I don't think I had one that really stood out.  Is that bad? oh well.... I guess that just means I really liked ALL of my presents.



14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?

Remember who's birthday it really is...Jesus Christ..... and getting together with family and being all warm and cozy inside with them, and maybe going outside later to play in the snow...maybe, if mommy feels like it.



15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?

I feel like I answered this with the favorite holiday dish questions so I guess I'll just repeat in saying, the sweet stuff. Oh and I love the tin cans of popcorn that have 3 different flavors....mine were always cheese, carmel and cinnamon, but you can hardly ever find those three flavors together anymore, now they always have butter, and it is NOT the same as fresh warm microwaved butter popcorn.



16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?

I don't really recall a holiday tradition....??



17. What tops your tree?
Nothing right now, but we used to have an antique looking star that we'd put on top.


18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving?

Both. I like getting someone something that I know...sometimes think that they will really enjoy, and having that feeling of "they think my present was the best" even if they faked it, they must have done a good job, because I could always get that feeling for the most part.



19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?

hmmm... I honestly can't think of my ultimate favorit, but I always enjoyed the good ol Silent Night



20. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?
Yum but more so the yummy flavored ones they have out now, like cotton candy.



21 Favorite Christmas Show?

Mines ELF too Mandi! Oh man I got that as a gift for Christmas one year....funny funny



22. Saddest Christmas Song?

I don't really  know on this one....nothing that really makes me sad.....because Christmas is the birth of Jesus and there's nothing sad about that right?!

"GRAPES"

Ok let me just start off telling you all how much we LOVE grapes in our family. I mean Juliana could eat a whole bag by herself, Bredun could eat anything and all of it by himself too, which leads me to earlier today.

Sitting on the couch watching TV, kids are playing. Juliana goes into the kitchen, pretends to "cook" and on her way back in, she tells me "Mommy Bredun is eating a grape off the floor...." Mommy says " Bredun come here that's ucky....bring it to mommy." Juliana hops over the baby gate and takes his hand to lead him to mommy.... As Bredun always does when he's caught with someone in his hands that he's about to put in his mouth he quickly pops the "grape" in his mouth. Takes it out and says "uck" and throws it at me. It lands on my laptop that I was looking at, so I pick it up and realize hmmmm this doesn't look like a grape. Kind of looks like a piece of chocolate....we don't have chocolate, must have been under the couch for a while. Soooo I smell it....nope not chocolate either it's POOP! yeah I said it poo.......gag reflexs kicked in, quickly grabbed a wipe and picked that nasty terd up and gave it to Juliana to throw away.

And that ladies in gentlemen is the story of the day....oh wait and then I changed his diaper but forgot I didn't have a diaper to put on him downstairs, so I sent Juliana upstairs to get one, Bredun pees on the floor. I love him! :)

End scene

Random post...

Ok so as I am sitting her "doodling" around on the internet, I have the TV on MTV and some new show is on and is supposed to be about following some young people from Jersey shore.....that's probably enough said right there just for people to understand how stupid the show is going to be, but listening to the introduction it starts off with a guy talking about how he has a tanning bed in his house to live up with the life style of a jersey boy....and now this is were I will change the channel....dumb.

I have to go back to work in a week! UCK....noooooo I don't want to *sighs, tears fall down face...breathing in and out, in and out*

I want to be in cosmetology school, I want a new job, I want to be with my babies a lot more than I will once I go back to work, I want to not have to worry about bills (oh wait bills never stop coming in so that won't happen!) I want a new job....oh I said that already...hmmm...I want a new job! I want to live in a different place, and town and state, but for now a new place.

Yeah this post was definitly random....kind of pointless too, but definitly random....

Picture Update of lil miss Kiya....

After bathtime with her curly hair, too bad it won't stay like that. It should soon though!

And a few of Bredun too....

He loves to play basketball. He'll even do a one handed shot with perfect form....it's cuteness for sure.

But I don't wannnnnt to!

I have to go back to work in 2 weeks....ugh I don't want to! It's going to get here so soon too. At least we have all of our Christmas shopping done, well we need to get one more thing for Bredun, but besides that we're done.
  We're planning on going to TX for vacation sometime in Jan, so that'll be a fun time and won't be too long after I've gone back, but I don't know if I'll be able to go then since my job now has some 90 day vacation notice policy thing going on. Dumb. If we can't go in Jan, then hopefully not too much longer of a wait!
    My baby girl Kiya is getting so big and I just love her to pieces. I can't find my camera connector for the computer to put up pictures and it's making me mad. Bredun is allll over the place. He's totally our little daredevil. He'll find anything....and I mean anything to put up next to our coffee table and climb up on it. He'll climb up on the arm of the chair and stand up and then plop himself down on the couch. He's falling off a couple times doing that. Actually he falls a lot....and just stares at you, doesn't really cry about it a lot. Juliana is ready for school, which I'm sure in a few months after going she'll not want to go, but we'll see. She's being playing "teacher" with me. We practice numbers and letters and what the sound of each letter is and what words start with it. She's still in gymnastics until the end of Dec. and she lovvveess it. We might be putting her in it for the beginning of next year but we'll have to see. I really want to keep her in it so that she has something to do, but it all depends on finances.
   Well this post was pretty pointless, but it had been a while since I posted and thought I should say SOMETHING, but I guess when you sit around doing nothing all day you don't really have much to say!

What am I doing up still...

Ohhh man it's midnight and I really should be sleeping right now, BUT I'm not. I'm making cinnamon rolls (I know right), and knitting, and watching TV, facebooking, and blogging.....

I guess there's no real excitement going on, of course what can really be exciting when you're stuck in the house alll day! We got to do some Christmas shopping today, which was good, I love getting the kiddos stuff and knowing that when they open it they will have fun with it. We got a white Christmas tree, which is a first for me because I've always grown up with a big real tree, and just in the past few years have we done a fake one, just so we don't have to mess with all the "shedding" real trees do. We weren't going to get a tree because we thought Bredun would tear it up....and he tries to, but we've trapped the tree on top of a table in a corner between our love seat and couch with our extra car seat to block the bottom where the couches don't touch!
I have an official date of when I go back to work, and it's way too soon. Dec 14th....poo day...poo poo day. I need to go back though because since I didn't get maternity leave I had to use what vacation and sick time I had which only added up to 3 weeks, so I'm already going 3 weeks unpaid.

ooohhh shoot, smelling the cinnamon rolls from upstairs....I kind of forgot, hope they're not burnt! Later!

Growing like a weed...

We went to the doctor today and in a little over 2 weeks Kiya is 7.5 lbs 19 1/2 inches long and 34 1/2 in head circumfrance. Last time we were at the doctor she was 5.10 lbs, she was born 5.12 lbs and left the hospital at 5.04 lbs......MAMA'S MILK IS GOOD! :)

On sucky "stuff" Bredun gave pretty much all of us a cold. My head feels like it's going to explode and my nose will fall off, Kiya is sneezing, coughing, and doesn't want to stay asleep in her bassinet or crib for longer than 30 min unless I'm holding her and then she's knocked out. Bredun is teething too which makes him extra fussy and drooly and adds to my headache. I keep getting chills and feel super weak....ok I'm leaving the pitty party....buttttt it sucks.

Give me a sign.....

Ok so since we can't move right now soooo many things have been running through my mind on "what's next?" We are appealing the judges decision and will have to wait and see if our appeal gets excepted. For some reason I was thinking you kind of get like an automatic chance to appeal right after a hearing and then if that appeal were to get denied then you'd have to wait, BUT that's not how it works. You can get your appeal denied at any time. So..... yeah we may not even get to stress, to a different judge, what we didn't get to say in the first trial. We know we'd be going in there already assuming that we are denied again, but we know that at least we'd get it off our chest and know that ok, we just have to wait a little longer. I should find out if we'll go to trial again in a week or so. Another thing is the insurance Josh owes me. Long story short he had Juliana on his insurance, dropped her without telling me (we pay 50/50 so I had been paying him) and I got her on mine and he hasn't paid his half for over a year. We are submitting in sometime to the court so that he'll have to start paying annndddd yet again I didn't know, but I'll have to go to trial for that! Me and the court....we're tight, close, best buds....well maybe not best buds.

Thennnn there's the plans for staying in Columbia. We want to move out of the townhouse we're in now. It's not the best neighborhood, it goes off your income, so getting a second job or going to school rent would be crazy and if I went to school then I couldn't even live here! We know where we want to move to, but want to wait until after tax time to have that financial "cushion" before we just jump into another place.

Theennnnn there's the jobs. I really am falling out of the banking industry. I've been doing it for over 3 years and I'm just done with it. I was happier at the other bank I was at, but they don't pay as much and I don't want to go back to banking anyway. I obviously want to be doing hair, which won't happen until after school so I'm thinking maybe something in retail or pretty much anything that's a lot more laid back! But again I don't want to look for something right now because my rent would change! It's a hassle to change all of your "stuff" with the management, and I just don't want to deal with it.

Last but not least there's going to school. If I go it would for 14 months, full time (they don't offer PT) and it is $9390 to go. I've applied for a grant and school loan and in the pending status they say I should be able to get a grant, but that's only for a certain amount and more than likely I would still owe for half of the schooling. It's totally not that bad compared to going to a University, but it's something that we would have to make payments to and just something to figure out financially. I sooo want to do it so that in a few years if we do have to go back to court to move again that I will have something "new" to present as far as jobs go. I just don't know how all this loan/school/bills stuff works. I would still work somewhere, but they'd have to be flexible with the school times. I think school is Mon-Thur and two of the days it's 11-7 and the other two days it's 8-4:30. I probably couldn't find something that pays as good as I'm getting now, but I'd have to have something just to help out.

Ok ramble ramble, but I just want to have some kind of PLAN! I feel like I have allllll this stuff going through my head but don't have them in an order and I just want to know what I should be doing. What do I need to be preparing for? Ugh....give me a sign God....give me a sign.

Drained.....

Even though I won't go into detail about why I'm feeling "drained" emotionally right now there is a lot of "things" going on that I feel like lying in bed and crying. I don't feel like I can do anything right, I can't say anything right, and anything I do is not how it's supposed to be. I feel like.... nothing. I don't want sympathy, I just want to be understood. I feel like if I go read God's word or just try to be patient I never hear him, I don't know what to do......but cry.

The End

Soooo we might be going on another roller coaster....

Even though we haven't really talked a lot these past few days because of the moving situation, today was the most we talked and so far right now......we are going to try and appeal the judges verdict. *sigh* Yes I want to try and do everything I can to get to Dallas, and get there as soon as I can, but with everything that I dealt with the first time makes me think of it alllll again.
   Because of things that my lawyer did not object to or even bring up in court; plus with her reasons why we can't move, we feel like if we appeal we can address those "issues" and maybe get another decision. There was a lot of frustration with how my lawyer dealt with things, or should I say did not deal with things, that maybe if we address those issues with him, we'll be able to go at it a second time more prepared. See my lawyer didn't tell me until AFTER our trial that this was his first trial....nice I know....he's dealt with these kinds of cases before, but they always got settled outside of court, so this was his first trial. I know I've posted it before, but he's a parapalegic and I feel bad getting upset with him about certain things. He gets sick a lot, and he needs help going through paperwork, etc. Which isn't a problem for me to help him, but I think when we were in court it kind of overwhelmed him??? I guess we just want to try again to address the issues the judge said were why we couldn't move, because we feel we can prove her wrong, but also just to know we did get everything out, and we tried to do EVERYTHING we could do. My only thought is when she said that the jobs we would have wouldn't pay enough to outweigh the meaningful continuance visits. We wouldn't have different jobs, but maybe if we prove the other things it could go different?
I've already called my lawyer and had to leave a message to talk to him about it, so I have no idea what he'll say back. When I had gotten his first email telling me we got denied he said we could appeal it, but to get another local judge that would overturn a colleagues decision would be hard. I know our judge we had is a well known "good" judge, but I hope that we can approach this judge in a way that will let them know that even though we got her reasons for dening it, the reasons given weren't covered like we thought they should have been.....something.

It's a no go...

Ok this is the first time I'm addressing this after hearing what the outcome was with moving. We got denied. Basically she said that Juliana was too young and that she would not be able to have continually meaningful visits with both parents. He wouldn't get to see her in any extracurriclar sports she may be in  while going to school, and that the job I would transfer to with Bank of America and the Asst. manager job Taurus would get does not make enough to outweigh the continued visits. It sucks. It sucks in more ways than one. We would have to wait more than likely another 4 years before we could try again, and that's a loonnggg time. For us anyway it is.
   I have ran it through my mind over and over again what could have been different. I'm not going to point fingers at anyone, because it's over and done with and I can't go back and change anything right now, but I know there were things that could have been broughten up that may have helped....but who knows! The house has been quiet becasue of it because right now it's the only thing that is on Taurus and I's minds, yet at the same time we're both upset about it we don't want to talk about it.
   I know this was all from a "mistake" I made with not being a strong enough woman back in the day, but I also know that I asked God for forgiveness, and I KNOW he did. So I can't go back and say anything on the past....it's just that....the PAST! I know everything happens for a reason, this is God's plan.....

But why?

I'm actually feeling stuck. What do we do now? I don't want to be in Columbia, in this apartment, at this job....nothing but where and what do I do? I want to go to Cosmetology school, and the only thing I have thought of is that I go to school here and then maybe we can try to move in a couple of years becasue I would have a major increase in income with that job. Dallas stylists make a TON more than Columbia! My sister in law does it and she's given me the $$$ figures, and it's ridiculous...I know it's not the same in Columbia. But then that means moving, because I'm the only one on our lease and we are in a housing that bases your rent off your income. Well you can't be a full time student, or a student at all and live by yourself. If you have someone else on the lease who's not a student you can, but Taurus isn't on the lease.....for certain reasons.

Through all of this I'm trying to think positive...right now it's not really happening so much, because I just simply don't understand, but hopefully I will get to that point. We prayed about it, we really felt like this was the time we were to move, we saw what our future could be. Yes we knew that there was a chance that we wouldn't get to move, but I had done SO much research on everything you would possibly need to bring up to prove this would be an improvement for Juliana, but yet once again...he won. The one person who doesn't honestly care, won. He sat up there and admitted to occassionally smoking drugs, that his car didn't have seat belts in the back so she'd sit in the front, that Juliana has slept with him and his girlfriend in their bed (when she has her own there) and yet he won. At times I want to punch things....a lot of the other times I want to cry, and I do, and I feel so many different emotions. I want to comfort my husband, but he's really upset....feeling like he can't take his family and go and do what he wants. But he handles things differently than I do and I'm trying to deal with that, but it's hard when how I want to deal with it is by talking to each other on what our next steps are. By crying with him, being comforted by him.

Sorry I vented....A LOT... but I needed to.

How am I going to do this...

Ok I think I could go nuts in about .5 seconds. Ok nope already there! Even though little miss sleeps for most of the day, it seems like once I start one thing another is unraveling behind me. I'll get things "picked up" around the house and then it starts.... Gymnastics in the house...not just Juliana, Bredun decides to pull whatever he can up to the coffee table and climb up on top of it, while Juliana is doing cart wheels, flips, and hanging upside down from couches and chairs. They listen to me for about 5 min, and then they're at it again!
   I don't even know why I'm on here really, but I'm at the point to where stuff is going to look a mess for a sec...lots of seconds....
   We have to go to the doctor this afternoon and then we have to go to the hospital for some lab stuff. Apparently my placenta was on the small size which could mean infections for Kiya or me or both of us, so they had to draw blood from both of us. It was SO hard watching them do it to her. They had a NICU nurse come to do it because she's so small and tried taking it out of her wrist like they do to big people. It was the same size needle too! They couldn't get it to work so then they were wiggling it a little and I felt sooo bad for her, I cried...a lot. Then they had to swipe her eyes, nose throat and butt. They just took some blood from me, but oh man it was hard watching them do it to her. I snuggled her a lot more after I got her back.
  Well I better get back to my oh so calm house and kids.....

Kiyana Braylee Bursey.....labor and delivery story

Well this was definitly the most exciting and crazy labor and delivery I've had out of all 3 of my kids. Where do I start???

Wednesday was going to be an eventful day anyway because that was our court date to see if we can relocate to TX. We had said all along that we just wanted to get court over with and then Kiya could come whenever she wanted to. To our surprise it was going to be a lot sooner than expected.
   I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday at 4:15 so Taurus came and got me from work, the doctor checked me and I was a full 4 cm. Last week I was a good 3-4 cm. It may seem like a lot to most women who don't even dialate before they go into labor or who only do 1-2 cm, but with Bredun I was 4 cm for a week and a half before anything happened. So we left there, did some errands, and went home.
  We all ended up going to bed early that night. I was feeling crampy, which I had been all day, but I assumed from getting checked at the doctors I was extra crampy, no big deal. So we went to bed around 10ish and at 10:30 one of my friends text me and was like "Are you going to have that baby tonight?"....."don't know, but you know I'll let ya know." Then Taurus' brother text him and was like "have you had that baby?"...."no not yet." Ok really?! I was like ok people we'll tell you, we're trying to sleep! Well I woke up around 11 and couldn't really sleep was still having pains, and went to take some tylenol to see if that would help with the "cramps." At 11:15 they were getting worse and I was like well I'll just time them and see what goes on. The were 4-5 min apart, and I knew this could be "real labor" so I needed to keep timing them to see if they stayed like that or not. So about 30 min later they started to get to be 3 min apart. They hurt so bad. I was standing, swaying, sitting on the bed, walking around, bending over. Anything to see if it would ease the pain....yeah it didn't. So I told Taurus ok lets just go in, I don't care if they tell me to go home, this hurts.
   He woke up Juliana and told her to get her shoes on, which she then preceeded to stare at me and ask me "Mommy is that my sister hurting you?"..."Yes Juliana it is." " Do you want me to tell her to stop?" ....why of course! He went and Got Bredun ready, who started to cry and was wanting me to hold him, I thought about it, but the contractions kept coming so close together, it wasn't happening. I made it down the stairs and he got the kids loaded in the car, bags in the trunk, I made it in the car after stopping once on my way to the car dropping my purse and moaning through a pretty painful contraction.
   On the way to the hospital, I was moaning, trying to breath at a slow and steady pace, and make it through them. I managed to tell Taurus to hurry as fast as he could because this was definitly it. We finally turned onto the street to the hospital and I felt like I had to push....we were almost there though! Taurus looks at me and say's "what?!!", misses the turn to the hospital, slams on the breaks (which didn't help so much) and reverses the car gets up to the emergency enterance. He runs into the hospital where he tells them that my wife is in labor and feels like she has to push. He told me later that when he told them that they kind of just looked at him and smiled like he probably didn't know what was really going on.
   They came out with a wheelchair, and tried to get me  into it which was taking longer because I was going through contraction after contraction, feeling like I had to push again while she was pushing me up the ramps. Of course they try to ask you all these questions " What's your name?, when's your due date, when did you start timing your contractions?" I just moaned and tried breathing normal. I think I got my first name out, and that was it until I got up to the actual labor and delivery area. Once I got up there I had needed to push AGAIN, I finally got my name, due date and when I started timing contractions out in one sentence, one breath.
   They got me into a room where they then were trying to ask me if I was allergic to anything, when I started timing things, due date, everything. I said " I HAVE TO PUUUSHHH." they were like ok we have to get you on the bed, they pulled my pants down and got me onto the bed while half way putting a gown on me. A nurse was trying to help me breath/pant through not pushing. They then told me the doctor was going to have to check to see how far along I was. Are you kidding me?? I had just help 4 pushes from leaving home to actually being here!! It hurt like no other, because of course he managed to do it during a contraction. I was yelling "Nooo stop it!" Then he got out, which I don't think I even heard what he said I was, becase once he got his hand out I said " I'm pussshhhinngg...." which they tried telling me to hold it, but when I was telling them that I was pushing, I was pushing! The nurse holding my hand looked under the sheet and said yeah uhhh there's a head and the bag. The bag burst on them all, which was weird to me, then I pushed one more time and she came out! I ended up having 3 or 4 stiches and got cleaned up. Taurus and Bredun ended up being in the room the whole time. They took Juliana away after they got me on the bed, I think because she was looking like what the heck is going on. So a nurse took her away.
   Taurus' facial expression afterwards was priceless. He was like "uhhh did that really just happen like that?" Bredun just sucked his thumb the whole time like ok whatever.
   It took her a few extra seconds to cry, and they took her away to get checked out and all that doctor stuff they have to do. Got the placenta out which they then "swooped" the inside of me to get any clots. The other doctor then told me that she had gotten some placenta with some of the blood and was going to have to scrap again....oh. my. goodness. Taurus said it looked like her whole arm was up there, and it sure did feel like it, but it was over in a few seconds.
   Later on after we were in our rooms and everything had settled down another nurse came in there and was like "sooo how are you feeling?" I heard you had a pretty crazy delivery. Yes, yes I did. She said all the nurses were sitting around and there had been only one other lady in there having contractions, but they weren't close and no one was making a big deal, then they saw all these doctors running past them and they were like "what's going on?" they looked at the monitors, and were like that lady isn't having a baby....well then who is? ME!!!! :) Everyone said we gave them some excitement for the night.
   Now we know if there is another baby, that as soon as I feel anything semi serious we need to go! Taurus thought he'd have to deliver, and I thought mannnn if he doesn't get there in 2 seconds he needs to pull over, because I'm about to push in his car. If anyone knows Taurus and his car....that would have not been ok. Of course he would have been fine with it while it was happening because it was for his little girl, but afterwards I'm sure he would have been like "dang!"

 That's it! Little miss Kiyana (which we'll call Kiya) Braylee Bursey.... 5 pounds 12 oz, 18 3.4 inches long, born at 12:11 am on Thursday October 29th. A tad shy of an hour labor and delivery....now that's how ya do it! :)

I'm ready...

I'm ready for tomorrow morning! Whatever the outcome, it's God's plan. I'm also hoping that baby girl can come! She needs to get OUT of my belly! I'm tired of: waddling, heartburns, not being able to tie my shoes, peeing every other min (and being disappointed when it doesn't last longer than 2 seconds), not being able to squat, turn over in bed, sleep on my belly, play with my kiddos like I want to, breathing normal....hmmmm is that is? I guess....for now.

Short and sweet....I"M READY!

Postponed

Ok so I know that most people who read this will have already known that court was postponed because I posted it on Facebook, but just blogging about it, keeping everyone updated. We went in there and When they first called our names it was just my lawyer, me and his lawyer. He was there, but for some reason didn't come into the room? Not sure why, but ok whatever. So then the judge preceeds to tell us that there are like 4 other cases besides ours so they can only allow 30 min for each case! Ok come on really, because I'm pretty sure that most of them will take longer than that. So we had to decide to come back on another day. We go tomorrow (Wednesday) and I'm hoping there are no other mishaps, and we'll get it over. It's at 9 am, and I'm glad to not have to wait all day for it to come, but worried because if the outcome isn't good, I have to go to work right afterwards, and I don't know how I'll be. I know I'll be super upset, becasue I just really won't understand the reasoning if it's not granted. I mean since I'm giving him all of summer and including that at any time he can arrange, at his own expense, to come and see her, I can't imagine a judge not seeing that I'm willing to make his "relationship" as best as it can be with the circumstances. Ok....*sigh* Here we go again....

God you hear me? I need you...

It's getting close...

So i have two more days until I walk into a court room to find out what the near future holds for me. I'm excited, nervous, scared, but at times feel at peace with it all. I know I've done all I can to be prepared for this and to prove that this is something my family "needs." I just hope this judge can see that, and grant the move. I've met with my lawyer twice already in the past week, talked about how things will go down. I'm meeting with him on Thursday to have a pretend mini "trial," and then at 1:30 on Friday starts the fun! I know we don't have an issue when it comes to proving that I am the better parent. I have numerous things for evidence to prove that, and at first I was thinking that's all I would need really, and then come on give the girl what she wants. BUT the more I think of it, that's not why we're there, we're there to prove that being in a different state is for the better of Juliana. I think we have enough to show that it is, and I have no idea how his lawyer is going to come at me, but I honestly can not think of anything that Josh or his lawyer would be able to prove that it isn't better for her. Ok I need to stop thinking about it! Totally be praying hard for me on that day though....whoever may read this by then, which I'm thinking will be no one....I have but one follower, but I tried. I've given it to God, it's in his hands, and all I can do is be honest and willing to let him show me his path for me and my family!

I'm over the baby belly...

Ugh... I'm so over being prego. I'm thinking if it wouldn't have been so soon after having Bredun maybe I wouldn't be feeling like this, but right now I'm wanting her out more than anything. Anyone know what I can do to NOT think of the negative? I'm trying to keep myself busy doing little "tasks" here and tehre. I've painted the crib, rearranged our bedroom for the crib to fit, made a baby blanket for a friend, cleaned out most of our house, cleaned, gotten rid of old clothes of Juliana and Breduns, Juliana goes to gymnastics now, but I can't stop thinking of how uncomfortable I am!!! Ok I'm having a moment, and this is me venting to one person.....that's right MM YOU! Because you're the only one that I have that comments....I have no followers. :(

Ugh....I'm over it.

Delay....again

So the court date has gotten pushed back.....again. It's ok though because at least it's only a week later and it's because of the judges scheduling and not anything with lawyer mumbo jumbo. Apparently the first push back was because the judge was on vacation, now it's because she has a trial training thing. So as of right now it is October 23, and we are as ready as can be. I've gotten a lot of "evidence" I think will be good for us to use against him i.e. pictures of some of the clothes he's brought her back in that are 18-24 months....she's 4! I'm leaving it in God's hands. He knows our hearts and where we want to be and if its in his plans then we will be there. Otherwise we'll go the path he has planned for us and maybe the future will be a different story. Keep us in your prayers!

Staying focused is harder than you think...

So we have an official court date of October 16 to determine whether we will be able to move or not. I'm done crossing my fingers, holding my breath, and stressing out about what will happen.....ok maybe a little stress, but I'm working on that. It's been rough, but it's come down to what I already knew from the beginning, but neglected; turning it ALL over to God. He has a plan, he has my life already in order, and it's not for me to try to figure out, which I know I do a lot more than I should. It's hard to not think of the "what if's," but Taurus and I, and our family, have to be ok with what and where God has placed us in life. Who know's what can happen, so instead of stressing to much I have to leave it all to him.
When I came to this realization, I had said it before " Ohhh God has it in his hands," but it was like I was just saying the words with no meaning. I guess I wasn't really feeling what I was saying. I feel bad for all of a sudden realizing how wrong I was to not trust him so much until now....the end. When I do that I always ask my self is God going to think it's too late? Will he say "oh nope I'm not helping you because you should have come to me sooner." No he doesn't so I have to get that out of my head. When the DEVIL is putting those thoughts in my head he's pushing me away from God and what truely can come out of my life. God doesn't have a time clock of when he wants you to come to him. You can do it anyday, anytime, in anyway. Taurus has started to be more dedicated to God and is reading his bible every night. Listening to the good gospel music, and just getting in the spirit more. Trying to stay focused on what or should I say who will open all doors for me. It's hard because there's been so much stress and frustration through this whole process, and holding back my nasty words and biting my tounge is hard!! I can do it.....WE can do it. I have to give all my fears to God....he's in control.

Tick Tock Tick Tock....

So, after going back and forth and around in 5 million circles, we (crossing my fingers) have a date to meet with the lawyers to find out if the move to TX is a go or not. It's been a frustrating journey to even get to this point, and I'm hoping that after this meeting we will be relieved to some extent. Almost a year ago (September) I added Juliana to my insurance and every month after that I've received no payments from Josh and have been battling to arrange some kind of meeting to get things settled.
Once the letter for the move was sent off, I had to send it twice because he was too lazy to go to the post office and pick up the notice that he had gotten on his door twice reminding him that he had something there. Then he contested the move and we waited around 2 months or more to hear back from his lawyer with a date that we could meet to discuss a new visitation. After a lot of phone calls and emails to her, she finally responded and we had a date for the 18Th (? I think) of August to meet. Then my lawyer gets sick and is in bed for 2 weeks. See he's a paraplegic so he gets sick a lot. Then to my surprise I find out we were supposed to respond back to their contest to the move and we had 2 weeks....totally missed that deadline, because of my lawyer was sick. We thought we might have to start over, go to a judge or something horrible. Well apparently not very many lawyers know about that deadline because it's hidden in some paragraph in the statute. So I had a date to meet with them on the 27Th of this month and a few days later I hear from Josh's lawyer that she forgot about a court date she had set up and we'll have to reschedule....uuummm can I not stress the word "frustration" enough by this point? Well I ended up sending a email to my lawyer basically complaining because I've waited almost a YEAR, and I've been ignored (by Josh's lawyer mostly) and put on the back burner, not gotten paid, this and that. He came back with a response....how does the 26Th sound? So we're meeting the 26Th of this month and I'm hoping nothing will happen in the next few days to make this not happen.
Pray pray pray that it goes well and we find good news. I think there has been a lot of stress, frustration, and pretty much any other word you can think of during all of this and to know that we can move where we can be happier. I think it's put a lot on our marriage, not really know what the future holds because of this issue, and it's more upsetting to me than anything, because I know that the mistakes you make you have to pay for, and I feel like I've been paying for this mistake of not being responsible for a while and to know it effects others now makes it worse. I know God forgave me for that mistake, but how long does "this" go on?

What's next?

Ohhhh how waiting sucks. So we didn't have the court date last week like we were supposed to because my lawyer was sick. See he's a parapalegic (sp?) and so he gets sick a lot and just so happened he got sick right then. We are planning on going on the 18th of this month, so again pray that this is God's plan and everything will work out well. I've gone back and forth on how I feel about the whole thing. It's just so stressful. I want my baby girl to be near me all the time, because I know she will miss us and when she's with him and if she wanted to go home, he wouldn't do anything about it. She was gone pretty much for a week between seeing him for her regular visits and going with my parents to see Beckie in OK, and my mom said that on the way home and she was saying was "Can mommy meet us somewhere, I want mommy...." :( It makes me sad, because I don't ever want her to feel like mommy doesn't want her all the time, and I know if she does end going there for the summer than I will be calling a lot, but that's not the same.

On to another stressful situation, but not as sterssful....Taurus has filled out application after application and hopefully will have an interview with for a part time job. It may not be the best job he can get, but it's something and something is better than nothing, so we're hoping that it will come through and he can start right away. We thought we might have to put the kids back in daycare. If he gets this job he won't have to. We have a friend who is a stay at home momma with her 1 year old little girl and said that she would watch the kids for an hour or two until Taurus got off to pick them up. He would work from 5am-9am Mon-Fri and since I don't have to be at work until 8:00 then it would only be a little over an hour. So it works out good....now he just has to get the job.

And now ladies and gentlemen....EXCITING news. Well it's probably more exciting to me than anything else, BUT Juliana will be going to gymnastics. I'm so excited for her and ready to go with her to get her first leotard and everything else. I remember when I was in gymnastics when I was a little girl and I loved it! I hope she enjoys it too, but if she doesn't I won't force her to like it....but I secretly hope she loves it. She'll do it for 4 months, one night a week, and if she really likes it from there, than we might just continue doing it. It's not expensive at all and she needs something "fun" to do. I'll be a prould little momma watching her.

Preschool??

So I might be putting Juliana in Preschool. She used to be in daycare and once we had Bredun and new we couldn't afford both of them in daycare Taurus started working nights and we just ended daycare completly. It's expensive! So Preschool was out of the picture because of costs, but since Taurus is currently unemployed, I'm going to see if I can get assistance and hopefully it won't be so much. I got her a little book to start practicing all of her ABC's and not just the letters she knows from her name and mommy, daddy and Bredun's names. She's a smarty pants, but I think she still needs that interaction and "schooling" from someone else.

Other than that I go to court, for sure, on the 29th of this month. Next week!! We're going to be meeting with lawyers first about a new parenting plan, if moving is a "yes" for us. I feel good about it and that this is what we're supposed to be doing, it's just working out the details. Going from issues with this last parenting plan there may be things I will have to give up, which I'm not too happy about, but most of it would most likely be financial things and so I would "deal with it" to be able to move. Finacial as in, travel expenses, I would like to make it 50/50, but since I'm the one moving I might have to say I'd pay for it all. then there's other expenses like insurance and school that I could see him negotiating, but my thoughts on that are that if I give up him paying all but child support I would want to have sole legal custody, not just physical custody. So basically he would have no say on what choices I make in regards to schooling and health, but we'll see. So cross your fingers for me. I'm nervous, anxious, and scared all at the same time. I'll keep ya updated on how it goes though.

So today was kind of bitter sweet....more so bitter than anything really. We just got back from vacation last week, so this was our first week back to work and getting into routine of things. Taurus sells jewelry at a store that is within Macy's. Macy's ended up buying out that store and so they've been working on switching things over to Macy's. Come to find out today Taurus was supposed to sign a new hire for Macy's and didn't in time, therefore not giving him a job. They did NOTHING. The thing is he left his phone in Dallas and we just got it back on Friday. They apparently were calling him the past few days telling him to come in and sign this paper, however he didn't have his phone. Could they not have left a note to him when he worked Monday? Could they not think "hhmmm it goes to his voicemail everytime I call, maybe something wrong with his phone....I'll send a letter." NO. Ugh I'm mad. I don't care that he wasn't making really much of anything....but it was something, and something is better than nothing. He was going to look for another job anyway on my half day this coming week, but still. I just think they could have done something else when he came in there today. He came in 3 different times! ok ok I'm done. Maybe this was God's little push to let him know he really does need to fine another job RIGHT NOW, not just whenever he gets around to it.Pray that he can find something. Most likely it will have to be a grave yard shift, because daycare is too expensive and we have no family or friends that could watch the kiddos. Grave yard shift will be hard on him, but there isn't much around columbia, or any city most likely!

Well I just got done cleaning out my car and now I need to finish picking up the house. Doing laundry, picking up "stuff" a.k.a. "junk," and then taking a nap.

Ba da da da daaaa.... I'm lovin' it!

Have I ever told you that I love me some Dallas?? That is Dallas, Texas, and the weekend is approaching fast and I don't want it to. We were looking at renters and Real Estate books....dreaming mostly on the houses, but they have soooo much better prices for houses than MO. We were looking at 3 and 4 bedroom houses that were ranging in the mid $100,000 ranges. We saw some foreclosure houses, one in piticular that was 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath and all this other fancy stuff for only $111k.....ugh....nice. One day.....hopefully.

I should be going to meet with lawyers to discuss a new parenting plan and hopefully know for sure if/when we will be moving. Hopefully all this will be settled in the next month or two. Pray Pray PRAY that it all goes good and we reslove this. I feel at peace with it, and expect a "fight" over what will be finalized, but I still feel like this is where we are supposed to be and where God wants us to grow as a family.

Well we are off to some "natitorium" (sp?), indoor water park type of thing, with the kiddos and then off to do some more fun and relaxing things before we head out Sunday morning.

Count down time....

We leave for Dallas Wednesday night and I'm soooo ready for it. We plan on looking at some apartments while we're down there so that when/if we get to move down there we'll know exactly where we want to go. Hopefully (my fingers are crossed) it can be a smooth transition with all of the visitation stuff that will have to be changed. We'll get to see my brother-in-laws two little girls that we havent' seen in a couple of years due to some other issues. We'll get to be down there for the fourth of July which should be pretty awesome being in such a big city! I've still got to get our stuff packed and make sure we have everything.....


The count down has started......... Dallas here we come!

Prayers

Just a quick ramble.....

In need of some prayers, emotionally drained is how I'm feeling. It may be 5x stronger because of the prego hormones, but regardless of being prego I know issues are still going on and I need prayers. Mostly marriage wise. A lot of stress is going on, and right now I don't know what will fix it, but I'm just kind of feeling stuck. I feel like I can't express myself without making things worse. Just keep me in your thoughts to allow God to show me what I need to do.

Waiting sucks!!

So I don't know how many people will actually read this since this is my first blog, and I'm still learning how this site all works BUT I have stuff on my mind, I'm bored at work, and so I want to ramble.

So I've been dealing with baby daddy drama forever it seems, and currently we are in the process of trying to move to TX. Hopefully no later than April of 2010, but to make sure we have a place, job, school for Juliana, and who knows what else we're trying to make sure we have everything in order before than. So right now I have sole physical custody and Josh (biological sperm donor as I call him) has visitations. He picks her up Monday nights around 4pm and drops her off the following morning around 7:30am, so if you think about it by the time she's in bed and wakes up he's been with her for around 6 hours and a total of 12 hours a week. He sees it as I get her two nights and not 12 hours total. Anyway so I have to give notice before I move and to assure that everything gets taken care of in time, I sent the letter to him now. I had to make up a new visitation "idea," let him know why and when we would be moving, and send it certified mail to assure HE gets it. So I did this the end of May he never gets it and doesn't pay attention to the notices that there's something for him to go pick up at the post office..... dummy. So I decide to send it to his work this week. I'm still waiting to see if he's recieved it to go to the next step.

I'm stressing because with all of the research I've done I've found that since I have the sole custody of her, he's the one that will have to prove that it's not fit for her to move there and rearrange visitations. She'll be in school so his options for visits are really going to be limited to summer time only. She mostly goes to his mom's house, and I think she's the one that really pushes him to even keep up with all of this. Yet when it comes down to money he's all over it making it about "me me me." He always thinks that I'm attacking him, that I want his life to be hell (excuse me) and that I just want to suck money out of him. I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT HIM! I've decided to make the visits be for the summer, and alternating years for the holidays. He's not big on holidays, I am so to be fair I'm at least giving him the opportunity to have the celebration on the actually day.

Anyway I'm stressing because I know he's going to fuss and fight about money mostly. I said I would fly with her there and back when it is visit time meaning I'm paying round trip twice while he just pays for two plane tickets. I feel like I have everything prepared for anything he would try to throw out at me, but I still want to be reassured that I'll be ok. Any advice? Words of encouragement?